Monday, October 31, 2011

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

10 Page Papers: A Tutorial

In honor of finishing grad school and, as a result, of never again needing to write a research paper against my will, I offer this tutorial, drawn from the well of my experience, for future and present paper-writers. Please take with a grain of salt.

When confronted with a 10-pager, one is likely to panic. There are three sure antidotes:
  1. If confrontation occurs at the beginning of the semester in the form of a syllabus, one may shove thoughts of the paper to the back of the mind.*
  2. Having exhausted the first option, Wikipedia is a reliable source of inspiration. Search all wherefores and whodunits and become thoroughly distracted clicking from link to link to link investigating your potentially awesome subject.** 
  3. Make an outline of points, each to cover a single paragraph (see below for details). Include the introduction and the conclusion to make it look longer.
One should plan to have each paragraph take a whole page. This leads to only having to discuss, at most, eight points, having at least two of which are merely extensions of their predecessors (i.e. "in the past century" and "in the future century" or "outside of a cow" and "inside of a cow"), and having one of which covers controversies.

The addition of controversies to one's paper is quite beneficial. They nearly always have the marvelous effect of taking two or more paragraphs to hammer to death since there is an ample and affordable supply of opinions, many of which can be reworded in half a dozen ways. This also has the convenient effect of making up for those inevitable half-page paragraphs (however well-intentioned to be a full page) caused by sudden attacks of indifference.

It is well known that the introduction and conclusion, being nearly void of facts and requiring much original thought, are the two most difficult paragraphs to write. The so called "body" of the paper is less trying. Please take note of the following:

Saturday, July 30, 2011


Shadows long
Early Sun
Time to seize the day again

Sleepy feet

Time clock beep
Sigh and go to work again

Up the lift
Down the stairs
Get into the flow again

Stapler lost
Stapler found
Nettled feelings felt again

Books off shelves
Toys on floor
Pick up after kids again

Watching clock
Pacing feet
Almost time to leave again

Hello to you
Goodbye to me
Pulling nametag off again

Walk outside
Sun in eyes
Put my feet to home again

Monday, May 30, 2011

Maid of Honor

I was happy to stand beside my dear cousin, Kendra, as she was married this past Saturday. Her wedding was lovely in colors of gray, yellow, and green.

twirling in gray frock
against the rainbow flowers
dance my yellow shoes

Monday, April 25, 2011

Cow and Platypus

Out of a clear blue sky, a drop of butter once landed on a cow's nose.

"What's this?!" said the cow.

"Oh, the sun is a waffle," said a passing platypus, "It occasionally drips butter and syrup."

"Then why did cream land on my tail yesterday?"

"That was the mashed potato clouds."

"Hey!" said the cow, "You're a platypus! How am I talking to you?!"

"You're standing next to a river," said the platypus calmly.

"Fancy, I never saw it there before," said the cow.

The cow and the platypus looked at each other and wondered what to say next. It was awkward. Suddenly, the cow tripped on a flower and fell in the river. This resulted in the following dialog:

"Oh dear are stupid flower you alright well I didn't you'd think know a cow could be flowers more delicate were so resilient well they say strength lies in beautLOOKOUTAROCK! AHHHHH! *SPLASH* heeheehEEHEEHAheeHEHAHAHAHA!"

Lady Night had ate up the sun before they could speak "properly."

"I am sorry*hic*for the tid*hic*al waves," said the cow.

"It's al*hic*right. I was wet*hic*anyhow*hic*," said the platypus.

"And I was*HIC*hot anyhow."


And that's how Cow and Platypus became friends.

Thursday, March 31, 2011


little boxes typing
birthday friends a-singing
through to pictures clicking
post of yours a-liking

looking for a happening
friends away are drifting
conversations wanting
green wanders wishing

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Feather Snow

sparkle twinkle feather snow
fluffy thumpy pillows grow

drifted shifted whitened land
streaming gleaming crossroads sand

moonshine outline porchlight pile
glitter mirror starlight smile

Monday, January 31, 2011

The Hand

The hand that makes the rivers run,
that made the mountains tall,
the hand that calmed the mighty storm,
and formed, from clay, us all.

The voice commands the heavens above
and shakes the earth below,
the voice that whispers guiding words
for you alone to know.

The feet that walked for 30 years
upon this broken Earth,
the feet that were nailed to the cross
to show our matchless worth.

The eyes that saw the sin of man
when man had not been born,
the eyes that saw his only son
beaten, rejected, torn.

The heart that loves a father's love
wholly unconditionally,
the heart that breaks for the lost
and hurts for our iniquity.

The one that died and gave his life
to break the wrong of man's design,
the one that has a plan for me
and his hand in mine.